How to become a pariah without really trying

I have just filed a very serious complaint about a Judge’s misconduct. I do not say such things frivolously or without understanding the gravity of those charges.  But I have very credible evidence to support my claim.

My experiences regarding this whole matter are disturbing. Why? Because there is very little help out there to advise you of options available to you. Attorneys for sure do not want to discuss it. Which is in itself amazing because it’s a very serious charge and USUALLY anything of magnitude attracts attention and interest. You can find all kinds of advice and help about an employer who treats you unfairly, or a landlord, for example, but that help falls apart when the charges are against someone in the legal profession.

Does working in the legal profession give some special immunity to charges of misconduct? I’m trying to figure out why, according to what I’ve been able to find out, that the majority of the time nothing comes of charge of judicial misconduct. I would assume if it is on some MASSIVE SCALE sufficient to attract the media or it involves suffering of a very sympathy-invoking subject, such as a baby, it might be taken more seriously. It’s all very hush-hush behind closed doors and there is much material with, for example, bar associations, which stress how it is the OBLIGATION of attorneys to do everything possible to defend the honor of the courts and so the honor of the judge too. It doesn’t say that you shouldn’t take note of misconduct but it really doesn’t stress anything other than that, basically, the “brotherhood” should look out for each other, after all, it could be you being charged.

That’s rather ironic isn’t it? I mean the whole purpose of the judge’s job and the attorney’s job is, presumably, to see to “justice” but that focus tends to be lost and even actively resisted. The only attorney I’ve gotten to discuss it with much at all was obviously very uncomfortable and wished to change the topic ASAP.   So, the main focus seems to be on finding something else to talk about or even “escape”.  No one seems inclined to visit, too uncomfortable I guess.

But it doesn’t stop there, the animosity I’ve experienced from the public at large is also quite shocking to me. I mean, I am interested in seeing this person who does not follow the law but dispenses his own brand of justice held accountable for my sake but also for the sake of any others who must surely fall under his jurisdiction as well. I’m not vain or stupid enough to think that there is anything special about me that caused this one-time aberration on the part of this judge.

The web is full of advice, people trying to help each other figure out how to save their homes, deal with fraudulent/deceptive billing/collection procedures but when it comes to getting even just a neutral ear who will even listen is extremely difficult and rare. Which only makes the pain I feel at having had my rights to defend myself usurped by the “honorable” man the more painful because its like being a pariah, akin to having some contagious disease perhaps.  The sense of “alienation” is almost palpable, like I could reach out and touch it.

Anyway, I continue to wander about in my encapsulated world, needing to talk, needing to know, needing to unburden myself, and no one is there. And I find that sad. Obviously I haven’t learned my “lesson” sufficiently yet because here I am still “yammering”, as one antagonist charged, about this ordeal no one cares to hear about.

I guess I’m a mixture of stubborn and a slow-learner.   Most of my life I have been somewhat of a loner.  I think I tried, once or twice, as a teen to “blend in” and wear what it seemed others were wearing or talk the way they did.  But since then I have found melding in to society to be a mostly fruitless effort so I really don’t try very hard any more.  Obviously, I adhere to the basic standards enough so that I elude being remarkably different at first glance.  But I seem to have some sort of “tag” attached to my life.  I’m trying to figure out what it is: difficult, peculiar?

I think it really doesn’t matter overall but I am somewhat exasperated with myself for mostly I’ve come to accept and even be comfortable in my circumstances.  Except that I’m also exasperated at a society that SAYS it want freedom, justice, liberty, blah blah, all the catch phrases.  But when it comes to producing it just ain’t there.

It was tedious trying to write my complaint in a manner that was objective and honest and easy to comprehend.  I played the procrastination game for about as long as I could push it and finally gave in and set to work.  It’s done now, thankfully, I can think about something else.  I almost feel like celebrating, like I’ve been released, at least on temporary furlough, from the extremely insular world I find myself in.  Not celebrating with a sense of vengeance, just a relief at this part of the ordeal being over with.    But there’s no one to celebrate with, no one to call and say “hurray” and expect to hear “hurray” back, “good job” or anything. Which leaves me feeling a bit restless.  Thankfully, I have this place to write and attempt to express my feelings and my frustration and my sadness.  I’ve always been able to communicate in writing with much more clarity and grace than I manage to do in person in the real-time world.  But I take comfort where I can, writing my words, even if no one else ever reads them.

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